I'm A Lucky Girl

I'm a very lucky person. This is not the last time you'll hear that.

Listening to Ani after several interactions with acquaintances in NYC. Between the way people see me and the way I see myself, I...I just feel lucky.

Ani Difranco - Little Plastic Castle

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop
in every city
on a day which is every day
i pick up a magazine
which is every magazine
and read a story then forgot it right away

they say goldfish have no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine
the little plastic castle
is a surprise every time
it's hard to say if they are happy
but they don't seem much to mind

from the shape of your shaved head
i recognized your silhouette
as you walked out of the sun and sat down
and the sight of your sleepy smile eclipsed all the other people
as they paused to sneer at the girls from out of town

i said, "Look at you this morning
you are by far the cutest
be careful getting coffee
i think these people want to shoot us
Maybe there's some kind of local competition here
to see who can be the rudest"

people talk about my image
like i come in two dimensions
like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind
like what i happen to be wearing the day
that someone takes my picture
is my new statement for all womankind

i wish they could see us now
in leather bras and rubber shorts
like some ridiculous team uniform
for some ridiculous new sport
quick someone call the girl police
and file a report

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop
in every city
on a day which is every day

My horoscope (I read this after I posted the former!)
Reaching out to help solve the problems of other people will help take your mind off of your own problems -- and give you a much healthier perspective. Your situation is so much better than it could be, and today you need to appreciate that fact. Not everyone is as loved or as lucky as you. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes, it's full of weeds. Volunteering your time in service of others will help you feel happier about your lot.

Today I chose the jewelery to take with me for the next while. I love wearing earrings. My family has been exquisite in choosing them for me in my life. Rob has ALWAYS chosen the greatest jewelery for me-of anyone. He gave me these great butterfly earrings-kind of abstract, modern, silver and gold mariposas. I wore them everyday at camp one year. One day I was monitoring the lake and a we became a sinking in a boat (with fellow campers and staff, not Rob) and in the process of bailing a bucket went overboard. Instead of letting the bucket go, I dove. I came up one butterfly less. I still have the remaining butterfly in storage, in hopes of making it a bracelet or necklace. A resurrection of sorts. No earring, no glory. No one gives a second thought to the bucket. Oy. Bottom of the lake with that earring...

This also brings up the memory of a bead bracelet Rob made me at camp. It was simple: orange, red, green and yellow with a fish hook (wrong word...) clasp. In middle school, 12 years old?, we had to swim for gym and I never took the bracelet off. I realized in the middle of class that the bracelet was not on my wrist. The water covered my tears.

I was on a bench, locker room side-away from the scrutiny of boys and teachers-bawling after class. I'd lost one of my most treasured things...the bracelet my brother had made me. --We were in the midst of a tumultuous relationship, my brother and me, and the bracelet was a demonstration of affection that I missed and wanted (I'm sure I was equally at fault. I'm sorry Rob!) -- I cried on the bench of that damn locker room, the other girls assuring and consoling. My head between my knees, eyes open, I saw the bracelet under the bench. I was so so so relived. I wonder if those girls thought I was nuts for being so upset about that bracelet.

Other things I've lost that have haunted me:
The dress my mom met my dad in
The butterfly ring (while working on Trigger Happy TV)
A silver hoop earring of my mom's under the deck at Eau Clair
A multi colored striped tank top (possibly in Cancun-I think I left it drying on the porch and forgot it...)
Faux turtle hoops
A gorgeous turquoise earring of a pair my mom had given me
The dragonfly rubber stamp Nate gave me for my 19th (?) birthday
Jim's Hoyas hat
One of the first pair of pearls I had (from bringing in the main sail on a sweet lil' scow in No MN)
One of the second pair of pearls I had (from being on the phone as an assistant for the CEO some fancy pants corporation--floor was pitch white, pearl drops and descends into oblivion--

Things I have and I love:
Amazing, supportive friends
New York
Minneapolis
Pipe Lake
Carter Ave
Blue Oaks
Moon turquoise ring
Soul
Family
A vase Seth found in the trash for me
Amethyst drop earrings from Rob
Sweaters from Dad
Stories from Grandpa
A few, but significant, stories from Grandma
Vocal nodules
The earrings I bought myself when I was staying with my grandmother
Pearl earrings from Hong Kong from my parents
Pearl drop earrings I gave myself for Valentine's Day
A shoe box of love letters from my high school boyfriends (they're separate!)
The figurine from Ebenezer
The note from John
The note from Kenny that reads: "You just almost tripped John Malkovitch"
Photo booth photos (the real ones that inhabit my wallet)
The fortune cookie fortune that reads: "Someone loves you very much"
The magnet of Cheney and Bush being gay together (from the one, the only, Cass Master)
Lots of pens and one really great pencil
SS pins
The script from a read through I got to sit in on
A note between actors from that read through
Multi colored socks
Northern Lights at the cabin
Hot tub
Fancy Free (I'd say "freedom," but it seems so played out)
Sara
Cassie
Vanessa
Brendan
Vanessa (B)
Emma
Sylvia
Jenna
Josh
Ron
Kenny
Castor
Louie
Erin
Andrew
Doug
Rich
Dan
Darci
Mike
Mike (C)
Niel
Sam
Joel
Josh
Ron
Kenny
Noah
Andy
Julia
Eric
Deena
Leigh
Tammy
Nicole
Stephanie
Katy (may our relationship rest in peace)
Jenny
Ceri
Jean
Stacey
Coach
Stori
Tara
David
Michelle
Cris
Tim
Justin
Graca
Matt
Dan
John
Dana
Dan
Jael
Kate
Jim
Dave
Blake
Mike
Ben
Blakey
Anne
Tom
Jane
Justin
Bill
Anne
Pat
Jim
Shirley
Bill
Michael
Alex
Rob
Chris
Tom
Rob (different!)
Peggy
Nate
Dino
Pandora
Mrs Scruffleton
Boots
Tijs
Justin
Jake
Jake
Julie
Ryan
Bob
Susan
Kate
Helen
Joe
Deb
Reggie
Denielle
Paige
David
Dan
Elinor
Juan
Matt
Dylan
Seth
Amy
Brad
Ben
Dan
Sylvia
Bloom
Doug
Andy
Paul
Ani
Time
Airplanes
Sail boats
The Virgin Islands
Brugges

Apparently, it's people, not things, who make my life amazing-and so so meaningful. I could have guessed that. But this impromptu exercise helped a lot.

I wonder if I could ever list all the people who actually affected my life.

I don't even think I know everyone who's touched my life. So shouts out to y'all! And thank ye fer it :)

As Is-Ani DiFranco
...
cuz when i look around
i think this, this is good enough
and i try to laugh
at whatever life brings
cuz when i look down
i just miss all the good stuff
when i look up
i just trip over things

...and i've got
no illusions about you...
...
and guess what?
i never did
and when i say
when i say i'll take it
i mean,
i mean as is...

...as is...