09 May 2006

Chump vs. Self Preservation

I feel like a dick.

The people I work with are all over worked, tired and vaguely miserable. Myself included. I am working at 7am tomorrow and worked from 10am to 11:30pm today. Now, we had a huge event on tonight. 150 people on almost all rental furniture-which means massively nasty break down in to the 2 o'clock hour at least. (hire more people!) Now, in the interested of my own functioning tomorrow I dipped out early (can I call anything "early" after a 13.5 hour work day?) (fuck salaries!). I feel bad that I left them there. I feel like a chump and a wimp. But I've been on the verge of tears all day. Another night of 6 hours of sleep will not help this state and I'm mildly miserable. Is that coming across effectively?

So I left. I stated to my coworker (one of my favorites) that I felt like a chump. He said, "go, sweetheart." I patted him on the back and high tailed it out of there. F that shit. They can't have my g damn soul. I really really wish I had better things to say about my work right now. I apologize for being a wealth of nothing but complaints.

I find myself now, having gorged on a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios (an obession that comes in and out of popularity with me) and have a box of cookies next to me in bed (they didn't have the ones with hazlenut, but it's the same idea...). Path-etic. And I'm choosing to sit here, write complaints, eat cookies instead of GOING TO BED! Why? Because I've had ZERO satisfying social interaction today. I need a conversation. Some people who I don't have to talk to out of professional obligation (Ben, you're an exception to these gross generalizations, I hope you know. You and AV).

I do admire the GM of the establishment I work for; he handles workers, situations, VIPs and, well, everything, simply expertly. And I met a nice woman at Chelsea Market who helped me get plates for my feisty little (not-so-little) chef. It's not all bad. Just most of it.

And now there's not even enough time between my shifts for my work phone to charge enough to last through a 12 hour day tomorrow.

Thank the good good universe for California this weekend. Thanks, too, for the great friends who read this and still believe that, somewhere in here, is still a fun person! I love you all dearly. And I miss you a LOT!

PS Why am I a manager? For professional gain? To be abused by person after person, chef after chef? To smile pretty and bus when I have to and serve when I have to and take orders when I have to? On long days I make less than $9 an hour. Better than a barback. Not as good as a bartender. See what I'm getting at? If we have an event that isn't going to make the staff "very much money" we charge $25/staff/hour. $9/hour. I'm going to sit with that for a little while.

PPS I'm really frustrated.

I'm happy, too.


At 1:15 AM, Blogger Sara said...

Green grass is amazing! I'm glad you found a sunny patch.

And I'm sad we're going to miss each other in California this weekend...we live too far away again. Damn. But CA will treat you well, give you sunshine and huevos rancheros and maybe even a bloody mary if you're good...or bad. I always forget which it is. Anyway, have a fabulous trip. And I love you.

At 2:01 AM, Blogger Ben said...

You're one of my favorites too. You work too hard and are underappreciated and a million other little things that can never be written down in this tiny little comments section. But I adore you and hate that you are too smart and overqualified for your job. Because if you ever left I would have a little less happiness in my day. But I would still be happy for you too. So keep searching. Seasons change and eventually that tire spinning in the mud will find purchase. I swear.

At 2:11 PM, Blogger ames said...

Hi Susie! How was the Yay Area? I have a new blog. Just wanted to let you know. Stop by sometime.

At 5:44 PM, Blogger cole said...

good to see you, suz, though it was too brief! next time we will hike the great trails of central california.

At 6:03 PM, Blogger Sara said...

I'm waiting for another too ;)


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