Chump vs. Self Preservation

I feel like a dick.

The people I work with are all over worked, tired and vaguely miserable. Myself included. I am working at 7am tomorrow and worked from 10am to 11:30pm today. Now, we had a huge event on tonight. 150 people on almost all rental furniture-which means massively nasty break down in to the 2 o'clock hour at least. (hire more people!) Now, in the interested of my own functioning tomorrow I dipped out early (can I call anything "early" after a 13.5 hour work day?) (fuck salaries!). I feel bad that I left them there. I feel like a chump and a wimp. But I've been on the verge of tears all day. Another night of 6 hours of sleep will not help this state and I'm mildly miserable. Is that coming across effectively?

So I left. I stated to my coworker (one of my favorites) that I felt like a chump. He said, "go, sweetheart." I patted him on the back and high tailed it out of there. F that shit. They can't have my g damn soul. I really really wish I had better things to say about my work right now. I apologize for being a wealth of nothing but complaints.

I find myself now, having gorged on a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios (an obession that comes in and out of popularity with me) and have a box of cookies next to me in bed (they didn't have the ones with hazlenut, but it's the same idea...). Path-etic. And I'm choosing to sit here, write complaints, eat cookies instead of GOING TO BED! Why? Because I've had ZERO satisfying social interaction today. I need a conversation. Some people who I don't have to talk to out of professional obligation (Ben, you're an exception to these gross generalizations, I hope you know. You and AV).

I do admire the GM of the establishment I work for; he handles workers, situations, VIPs and, well, everything, simply expertly. And I met a nice woman at Chelsea Market who helped me get plates for my feisty little (not-so-little) chef. It's not all bad. Just most of it.

And now there's not even enough time between my shifts for my work phone to charge enough to last through a 12 hour day tomorrow.

Thank the good good universe for California this weekend. Thanks, too, for the great friends who read this and still believe that, somewhere in here, is still a fun person! I love you all dearly. And I miss you a LOT!

PS Why am I a manager? For professional gain? To be abused by person after person, chef after chef? To smile pretty and bus when I have to and serve when I have to and take orders when I have to? On long days I make less than $9 an hour. Better than a barback. Not as good as a bartender. See what I'm getting at? If we have an event that isn't going to make the staff "very much money" we charge $25/staff/hour. $9/hour. I'm going to sit with that for a little while.

PPS I'm really frustrated.

PPS
I'm happy, too.