Ciao Wisconsin!

It's been lovely, it's been nice, off I go to another paradise.

The decision was made a couple days ago that I'll be going back to New York City for New Year's Eve. I'll be with friends and we'll be rockin out, no doubt, at some house parties. Rob's driving me to the airport tomorrow morning and I'll be on my way to JFK, then Chelsea via Williamsburg.

I got a bit emotional today. I came to the conclusion that almost only out of desperation, I should undoubtedly move back to Minnesota. I'm nervous and scared about money, which I should and shouldn't be. I was talked out of a tree by the fine friend who I'll be ringing in the new year with. He asuaged my fears momentairly, but Susie is going to have to become a woman of some pretty serious action this week. I know I can do it, but fear of failure, lack of faith in the future and "why" are things that consistently prohibit progress for me.

I was thinking, the things I want to do, prevent spread of disease, hunger and ill planned disaster relief projects, perpetuate the very thing I think would alleviate so many of the world's issues: over population. That's a discussion for off the blogosphere, I suppose.

Rob took us on a lovely drive this afternoon, on which I got to do some thinking. We also saw a gorgeous American Bald Eagle and his/her baby (BIG baby) sitting in a tree which is really an amazing treat. I thought of some things that would make me very happy being in Minnesota. Roughly: 1) My folks 2) Kate (and her extended brand of folks) 3) Emma and Adam 4) The cabin 5) biking as my main form of transportation 6) my network of successful women (some men) who comprise my folk's friends who would talk to me til they're blue in the face about what I want to do and how to do it. 7) money 8) Knowing all the streets.

I started to think of all the things I'd miss about New York and I started to cry. I love it. It would take bits of my heart to leave it. I do know, though, please believe me, that my departure is a distinct possibility. I know I can be happy anywhere, but I want to be happy there...for a little while longer at least. Please?

Off to sleep, then to try to make it in New York on my terms. Thanks for loving me regardless of my philandering, Minnesota and Wisconsin. I appreciate your willingness to have me back.

Happy New Year near and dear!

Chinese Translation by M. Ward from "Post-War" (I highly recommend the whole album)

I sailed a wild, wild sea
climbed up a tall, tall mountain
I met a old, old man
beneath a weeping willow tree
He said now if you got some questions
go and lay them at my feet
but my time here is brief
so you'll have to pick just three

And I said
What do you do with the pieces of a broken heart
and how can a man like me remain in the light
and if life is really as short as they say
then why is the night so long
and then the sun went down
and he sang for me this song

See I once was a young fool like you
afraid to do the things
that I knew I had to do
So I played an escapade just like you
I played an escapade just like you
I sailed a wild, wild sea
climbed up a tall, tall mountain
I met an old, old man
he sat beneath a sapling tree
He said now if you got some questions
go and lay them at my feet
but my time here is brief
so you'll have to pick just three

And I said
What do you do with the pieces of a broken heart
and how can a man like me remain in the light
and if life is really as short as they say
then why is the night so long
and then the sun went down
and he played for me this song

Rollercoaster by M. Ward

Rollercoaster, can't find my friends on the ground
Just lift me up and send me spiralling down
Because you lift me up so high high high
It's the most unbelievable ride

Absolute Lyrics

There's Something In The Air

I quit my job.

Things went down:
The past few weeks: I realized something was missing from this job
Monday: Went to a Planned Parenthood training on talking about abortion and the like. Was inspired.
Wednesday: Talked a lot with friends who encouraged my recent inspiration
Thursday: Put in notice; gave a month
Friday: Gave me an offer I could only refuse. Packed stuff, left work around 6:30.

This feels good. It's a little scary and surprising, but I had to do this for myself and my spirit. It's one of those things that I suspect each of you knows about: When you figure something life changing out, it's nearly impossible to wait around for a "good time" to do said action. It had to come out of my mouth. I couldn't hold it in, nor could I fake it. I'm not a good faker. If I was, I'd be an actress.

The offer they gave me for the next two weeks of work (which would consist of miserable NYE party ticket sales) would actually COST ME MORE than going to MN/WI for the holidays.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You have all the ingredients to invent a recipe for the lifestyle you've always wanted. So get cooking -- your life is calling. Sagittarius and Scorpio people are ideal kitchen assistants.

More later, bed now. xoxo